5 Steps to Figuring Out What You Want When You Feel Lost

Why your current approach isn’t working

Have you ever felt like you hate your job and that you want to do something else, but you just can’t figure out what that something else is?

Like you are just sitting around and complaining, without actually knowing what steps to take to move yourself forward?

Maybe you are overwhelmed with the fact that there are so many different hypothetical paths you could take.

Maybe you are frustrated with dead end google searches based on your current qualifications.

I’ve totally been there. I spent years training for a career in medicine that I thought would make me happy, but at the end of the day I didn’t believe in the work I was doing. I felt stuck in a job I didn’t even like and also felt at a loss for any other options.  

I spent hours with my trusty google search bar trolling the internet for things like “what jobs can I do with my medical degree if I quit residency”.

I read forums, blogs and lurked in all the facebook groups. A lot of the options I came upon seemed better than where I was at. More feasible and certainly more amenable to having a life outside of work. But nothing really jumped out at me as a “YES!” this is what I’m meant to do.

DO you want to know why?

Because I was going about this job search in the entirely wrong way. I was looking externally for the answers when what I really needed to do was look inwards.

When I finally did the work of deep reflection, surrender and self care, I received answers. In the form of an email that serendipitously popped into my inbox with information about a life coach training program.

I didn’t have to agonize over it or spend hours searching for the answer online. Once I did the internal work, the clarity and solutions just came to me.

I want to give you several steps YOU can take to bring you closer to that same clarity.

#1 Get into a resourceful state

Many times when we say “I don’t know what to do next” and we cling to those feelings of doubt, that is just a symptom of being in an un-resourceful state.

This could mean we are stressed out, exhausted, filled with anxiety. Whatever it is, if you hear yourself saying the words “I don’t know” on repeat, it is likely a sign of a negative mental or emotional state.

Because the thing is, at some deep level, we do know exactly what we want. So the work really becomes allowing that knowing-ness to bubble to the surface.

In order to get out of my unresourceful state, I took a 5 week leave of absence from my job. I caught up on sleep big time. I did yoga and meditated every day. I spent time outside and went on a hiking trip. I stopped taking Adderall and even abstained from alcohol for several of those weeks.

I basically hit a huge reset button for my soul and prioritized taking care of myself in a whole new way.

Yours does not need to look exactly like mine, but it is important to commit to getting yourself into a resourceful state.

What can you do that makes you feel energized and alive? What brings you joy and makes your laugh? How can you prioritize these things and incorporate more of them into your daily life?

Trust me this is a key step in the process of uncovering your deepest desires. I would also strictly advise AGAINST doing any of those google searches or “trying to figure out your life” when you are in an unresourceful state. It’s just not going to yield good results.

#2 Find out your Sparketype

 Who doesn’t love online quizzes right? This free Sparketype Assessment was created by Jonathan Fields. He is host of the “Good Life Project ” podcast and best selling author of many books including How To Live a Good Life.

This quiz is amazing because ii helps to answer the question: what is the driving force behind the work you love to do?  

Essentially it digs into your life purpose and helps you get clear on the type of work that makes you feel most alive.

It  is not a career aptitude test so it won’t give you a specific career path like “a waitress” or “a flight attendant”. Instead it gives you a broader category of work that countless different professions could fall under.

For example, my sparketype is The Sage. Here is an excerpt from my sparketype description to help you better understand it.

“As a sage, teaching or illuminating is your call. You live to share ideas, knowledge, and experiences with others in ways that lifts them up and leaves them changed for the better.”

Yes. Just yes.

This is exactly what I LOVE about the work of coaching. Teaching my clients different ways to see the world that elevates their everyday life.

#3 Figure out what you DON’T want

Sometimes actually figuring out what you want seems daunting. I get it. Especially when you feel like your current job is draining all of your vital energy, it can be hard to dream up any kind of new future for yourself.

The good news is, you are probably up to your ears in what you DON’T want out of life so we can start there. As Kathrin Zenkina, the Manifestation Babe says “polarity creates clarity”.

That means we can sift through all of the negatives in our current experience and actually use them to create a vision of what we DO want.

So if thinking about what you want feels impossible, lets start with what you DON’T want.

What is currently going on in your life that you don’t want to continue? What are you sick of? What will you no longer tolerate? Where do you want to put your foot down and say enough is enough?

Try to get specific about what exactly it is about each thing that you dislike.

Now take each bullet point on your list and ask yourself “what is the opposite of this thing?”

For example  if one of the points on your list is:

“I don’t want to keep working in this job that I don’t like”

The opposite could be…

Stop working in this job I don’t like OR Find a job I DO like.

Or if your list of what you DON’T want says.

“I don’t want to have to ask permission from a boss to go on vacation”

Your opposite could be:

“Be in charge of my own vacation schedule” OR “have more flexibility with my vacation schedule”

Once you have finished flipping each item on your list into its opposite, take a good look at that new list and get excited.

This is the starting point of what you DO want.

#4 Journal it out

Journaling is a key part in this process of getting clear on what you want. Here are some questions/ prompts to journal on that I have found helpful in creating clarity both for myself and my clients.

• What am I curious about? (What things spark my interest or my curiosity? What things do I sit back and wonder… huh I wonder how that works, or I wonder what that’s about?)
• What do I do that makes me lose track of time/ that makes me feel in the zone/ in the flow? What activities do I lose myself in?
• What is something/ someone I’ve been jealous of recently? (Jealousy is often a powerful indicator of what it is we want)
• Wouldn’t it be cool if ….. (do this 10 times)
• What comes easily to me?
• What types of books do I read, movies do I watch in my spare time? What type of content do I consume? 
• If I had a whole calendar year off of work and an unlimited bank account, what things would I do just for fun?

#5 Take action

Now its time to actually engage in the process of creating what you want. This part is all about taking action because true clarity comes from action.

We can’t just sit around and think about our life theoretically; we have to actually go live it. There are plenty of things that seeeeem like a good idea in our heads or that look glamorous on TV that turn out to NOT be that way in real life.

It’s like trying any new food for the first time. We don’t just sit there, think about the food, look at pictures of it, listen to someone else describe how it tastes and then decide if we like it or not. That’s craziness. We actually have to taste that new food for ourselves before we really know if we like it or not.

This type of clarity works in the exact same way.

So looking at your sparketype, your list of what you DO want and your answers to the above journal prompts-, pick one tiny action that you can take that will bring you closer to realizing your desires.

For example, if what came up during the previous steps is that you’d really like to be a hip hop dancer, then find a gym and sign up for a class. If you’ve been dreaming of starting a travel blog, sign up for an online course or buy your domain name.

And then pay attention to the feedback you are getting as a result of your action. Is dancing hip hop not actually as fun as you thought and you think you’d prefer something slower paced? Sign up for a ballet class or a yoga class instead.

The path to figuring out what we want is a beautiful process of trial and error. That can be so enjoyable if we allow it to be. So have some fun with it!

And most importantly, know that there is something inside of you that DOES know exactly what you want. You just aren’t aware of it… yet.

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