Do you struggle with feeling confident in the work you are doing? Do you feel once you achieve a certain milestone, whether that is getting that next degree or certification, THEN you will feel confident?
I used to make that same mistake all the time, thinking that the elusive feeling of confidence would just come to me on the other side of an achievement. But eventually I realized, thinking about confidence in this way was not serving me. And it’s probably not serving you either.
In this blog post, I want to illustrate the difference between confidence and competence and show you how you can step into a more confident way of being, right now.
All it takes is a simple decision to be more confident and making the mindset shift to realize it’s possible to feel that way right now.
Are you in?
Ok, let’s go.
My struggle with confidence
When I was in residency, I used to struggle with my confidence big time. Especially when it came to the operating room. I used to dread doing C-sections. On my way to the OR, I would recite the steps over and over in my head, but when it came time to make that initial incision my hand would be trembling.
That is not ideal for a surgeon.
During the surgery, my mind would race with negative self talk like:
“I have no idea what I’m doing!”
“Why is anyone trusting me with sharp objects around pregnant women?”
“Who am I to be cutting someone open?”
All of these self doubts were paralyzing. I was so consumed with my own thoughts, I could barely focus on the task at hand.
My presence of mind for identifying tissue planes, planning the proper surgical approach or throwing the correct surgical knot to staunch the flow of blood was limited.
I felt so discouraged because no matter how much I prepared or practiced, when I got to the OR, I always felt timid and insecure.
Surgeons were supposed to be these spectacularly confident people. And that just wasn’t me.
Two harmful lies about confidence
#1 “I’m just not a confident person…”
Let’s stop there because this was one of the harmful lies I told myself about why I wasn’t confident. And it’s something I recognize other people doing as well.
It’s the lie of “I’m just not a confident person”. The thinking that confidence is a quality you are born with or not. That some people have it and some people don’t. That you are either one of those lucky, confident people, or you are screwed and destined to be the shy kid in the corner for the rest of your life.
This is harmful because it is a symptom of a fixed mindset. It places limitations on your potential. It puts you into a tiny box and stunts your growth. Anything that limits your growth and expansion as a human being is harmful to your spirit. So shrugging your shoulders and telling yourself that you just aren’t a confident person, is detrimental on a soul level.
#2 “I’ll be confident when…”
Another mistake I made was thinking that I would be more confident once I practiced more and learned the skills better.
This wasn’t entirely wrong, because anytime you are learning something new, practicing does help. Memorizing the steps of a C-section to the point where I could recite them backwards and forwards was definitely helpful. Practicing my knot tying and suturing skills until my fingers went numb improved my speed and performance.
But all of that was actually just improving my competence, not my confidence.
There’s a difference.
Confidence vs Competence
Competence involves actually knowing the skill sets and material. It takes time to master and comes from repetition, practice and learning. Competence is basically a prerequisite to starting anything new. But it’s not the full story.
Confidence is different because it is a state of mind and something you have access to right now. The definition of confidence is a “feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.”
What’s important about this definition is the word feeling. Feelings are things you can tap into at any point.
Competence is actually knowing what you are doing.
Confidence is feeling like you know what you are doing.
It’s a subtle but important distinction to make because it can help us know where to focus our efforts of improvement.
If the problem is the actual knowledge or skill set deficit, we can correct that by taking the proper course or certification to learn the necessary skills.
If the problem is a lack of confidence, all the courses and certifications in the world won’t actually help you feel more self assured.
So when you find yourself thinking
“I’ll be confident when…..I know the material better.”
“I’ll be confident once I have 20,000 followers.”
“I’ll be confident when I’m making more money.”
Be careful. Because you might be falling into the trap of confusing confidence and competence. Competence exists in the future. Confidence is available to you right now.
Stepping into my own confidence in the OR
When I was learning how to do C-Sections in residency, the real game changer came when I started working on my confidence in addition to my competence.
One of my upper level residents suggested that in the OR, I should start calling for my instruments. Meaning that at the start of the surgery I should say “scalpel” in a commanding tone while holding out my hand expectantly. And then all throughout the surgery whenever its time to change instruments, my chief resident instructed me to call out loudly and confidently for whatever instrument it was I needed.
I was initially resistant because this seemed ridiculous and unnecessary. The scrub techs knew the steps of the surgery better than I did. They didn’t need me to tell them what instrument I wanted next. They already knew what I was going to call for and usually handed me the instruments before I was even ready to ask for them.
But I gave it a try anyways, and let me tell you, it was transformative. The simple act of calling for my instruments made me feel powerful and assertive. With each command that came out of my mouth, with each request for “scalpel” “cokers” “suture”, I was embodying the confidence of a surgeon through my physiology.
People were listening to me and doing what I said.
I knew what I wanted and I asked for it.
I was in charge.
All of those self doubts from before began to melt away. I started to feel like someone who actually knew what I was doing. I became more immersed in the moment. and could fully focus on the surgical tasks, which drastically improved my performance.
It was an astounding change. And all it took was a simple shift in physiology. A simple shift of owning my power and calling out for my instruments instead of passively waiting for them to be handed to me.
And this shift is entirely possible for you as well. At any given moment.
How you can start embodying confidence
Sometimes just learning the idea that you can have confidence right now is all it takes to unlock it, but in case you need some helpful tips and tricks I gotchu.
Here are 3 ways to embody confidence right here and right now.
#1 Channel your past self
One easy way to feel confident is to remember a time where you felt supremely confident. When was a time where you knew exactly what you were doing? When you couldn’t wait to show off your skill set? A time where you felt on top of the world and unstoppable?
Close your eyes. Fully put yourself back in that moment and make it as vivid and tangible as possible. How did you feel? How did you hold your body and stand? What thoughts were going through your mind? What words were you saying to yourself and out loud?
Imagine it so fully that it feels real to you right now.
#2 Create a Power Playlist
Music is a very effective and powerful way to help you change your emotional state in an instant. So whenever you need a boost of confidence, bump some power songs that make you feel like a bad-ass.
I’ve created a spotify playlist called “high vibes” with all my confidence boosting songs on there. Some of my favorites are “Drop the World” by Lil Wayne, “The Greatest” by Sia and “Shake it off” by Taylor Swift.
Give it a try and notice the way music can drastically shift your confidence level.
#3 Create an alter-ego
Superman has one, his name is Clark Kent.
Beyonce has one, her name is Sasha Fierce.
An alter ego is essentially a second self, created by individuals to live out a better version of the self. It’s a powerful tool for channeling all the characteristics you wish to embody whether that is more confidence, assertiveness, sass, sexiness, etc.
Ask yourself, what would the most confident version of you act like? How would they think? What is their mindset? How do they walk and talk and dress?
Creating this new, more confident version of yourself can help empower you to achieve new heights.
Confidence is not outside of you and it is not something you have to earn through practice and hard work. Confidence is something you can have right now!
What is something you can do to step into your confidence today? Comment below and share!
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