When you are pursuing your big goals and dreams, fear can show up uninvited and be a real B.
Fear is something we are all born with, and it’s always going to be there, but if we aren’t intentional in how we manage our fear, we can end up really stuck.
Stuck in our comfort zones. Stuck never taking any risks. Stuck in a mediocre, predictable life.
Fear can be very paralyzing in that way.
One of my favorite role models for learning how to manage fear is Liz Gilbert. Instead of endorsing that aggressive, “punch fear in the face” type of approach, she teaches that the best way to manage fear is through curiosity, gentleness, and patience.
Fear doesn’t do well being ignored, suppressed or counter attacked. It really just wants to be heard.
One way to actively listen to our fear, is through a writing exercise that Liz Gilbert teaches in her Big Magic Workshop. I never personally attended this workshop, but have heard about this writing exercise on several different podcasts.
The concept is very simple. You write a letter TO yourself, FROM your fear.
And let me tell you, writing this letter was insanely powerful. It gave my fear a voice. Instead of my fear being this amorphous, dark blob on my shoulders that was sneakily controlling so many of my actions, I was able to look directly at my fear and shine a light of compassionate awareness on it.
Once it was brought to the light, my fear turned from this threatening shadow monster under the bed, into a helpless toddler in need of some consoling.
I’m going to share my letter with you, to show you how powerful this process can be, and hopefully it will inspire you to write one of your own.
The prompt itself is so easy. Just insert your name below.
Dear [Chelsea],
I am your fear and this is what I want to say to you:
What the f*** do you think you are doing? (whew off to an intense start) You are going totally off book. Completely off script.
You keep pushing the bounds and the limits of where I feel safe. I keep trying to bring us back to comfort, bring us back to known, but it’s like you delight in giving me panic attacks.
What if this whole coaching biz thing doesn’t work out. What if each of these clients is a giant fluke and you have no idea what you are doing? What if all of this intuition nonsense is a giant hoax and you are just running off into a lala land because you are selfish. I mean what proof do you have that this is the right path? A gut feeling? A visit from your spirit guides? What nonsense! How can you make such massive life decisions without solid hard evidence?
And why do you insist on pushing new boundaries and gallivanting around Asia. Why must you follow your own path? Why couldn’t you just stay on the nice safe path of being a doctor that was all laid out and set up for you? Why do you insist on tapping into your intuition and living your life from that place? Do you understand that you are making my job so much harder? I mean what if it doesn’t work out? How am I supposed to rescue you from the deep end- which you’ve clearly gone off btw.
How am I supposed to bring us back to safety now? What even IS safety now?
What do you even know about business? How are you supposed to build a successful, 6 figure online business when you know nothing about business. You know nothing about finance. You basically have no idea what you are doing.
This is all such a joke. This is all too much. You are asking way too much of me. I am having to work overtime to correct for all your haphazard decisions and crazy mistakes. It’s like you don’t think at all; you just go with whatever you feel.
I’m scared that you are wrong. I’m scared that your intuition is a lie- as in it’s not really guiding you. Or what if it IS guiding you… off a cliff? Do you really know this intuition character very well? Are you sure you can even trust it?
I mean at least with me you know what you are getting. A nice predictable ride in a crash test dummy approved vehicle. We will go the speed limit the whole way. We will take bathroom breaks at regular intervals. We will take the straightest, most direct path and 100% guaranteed to get you to your destination in one piece. You know with me you are promised safety. Nothing bad will happen to you. Isn’t that what you want?
Don’t you think we were getting by ok before? I know you weren’t exactly thrilled with the day to day, but that doesn’t really matter much, does it? We were getting by ok.
Respectfully yours,
Fear
Wow. So much to unpack there. My fear had SO much to say.
I think the biggest thing that came out of this exercise for me was understanding. Understanding my fear and what it wants for me.
My fear values safety above all else. It’s only goal is to get me to my final destination in one piece. Which is ironic and comical, because if my “final destination” in this life is death…. there is no way I am making it there alive. Amirite?
One of the biggest ways my fear tries to keep me safe is by keeping my life small, predictable and known. This actually does make sense. The more my fear is able to know exactly what is coming down the pipeline, the more it can sense dangers in advance, and avoid them, thus keeping me safe.
My fear doesn’t trust me. It actually is a fairly paranoid creature who doesn’t seem to trust anyone. But one thing that really stuck out to me, was that my fear doesn’t trust ME to be a resourceful person. It doesn’t trust me to figure things out, to make mistakes and learn and grow from them. My fear is so busy protecting me, that it forgets to believe in my potential and all that I am capable of.
I don’t want to live my life based on fear, because I don’t want the life that fear wants for me.
A mundane, uneventful road trip down a boring, straight and narrow path. A life where the only goal is to get to the destination “safely” at all costs. A life where we go the speed limit the whole time and follow the gps navigation to a tee, taking the most efficient, direct route. If fear had its way, I would basically never have any fun or adventures.
I want a different kind of life for myself.
I want to live a life where I can roll the windows down and sing Michelle Branch at the top of my lungs. A life where I can take a few spontaneous detours just to see where it takes me. A life where it’s ok to take a wrong turn. A life that is more focused on the journey than the destination.
A big, magical, life.
Now it’s your turn to give YOUR fear a voice.
Give this prompt a try.
Dear [insert name here],
I am your fear and this is what I want to tell you:
What came up for you? What did you learn from doing this? How did it feel to finally give your fear a voice?
Comment below and share your thoughts! I would love to hear from you 🙂
