I chose the wrong career when I went into medicine, but it took me a long time to realize it.
“Midway through the journey of life, I found myself in a dark forest, for the right way was lost”
-Dante’s Divine Comedy
As you may or may not know, I read way too much (but is there even such a thing as toooo much?)
Right now I’m reading Martha Beck’s book The Way of Integrity, and there are so many beautiful parallels between what she talks about and the work I am trying to do.
Essentially, her book is reaffirming to me that the way I am thinking about and helping people approach career change is spot on.
In the book she talks about an experience called being lost in the dark wood of error (this is a reference to Dante’s Divine Comedy).
Being lost in the dark wood of error is, as Beck describes in the book, ” that experience of noticing we are on the wrong path in what feels like the wrong life.”
It’s asking existential questions like “What am I doing? What is this place? How did I get here?”.
It’s that deep sense of knowing “it wasn’t supposed to be this way”.
When we are lost in the dark wood of error we usually develop a series of physical, emotional, and mental symptoms, which Martha Beck refers to as “dark wood of error syndrome”.
In this blog post, I want to open you up to the possibility that your experience of burnout COULD BE a symptom that you are lost in the dark wood of error. It could be a sign that you are on the wrong path, living the wrong life.
I want to open you up to the idea that maybe, just maybe… your burnout is trying to tell you something. For me, my burnout was telling me that I chose the wrong career, maybe yours is similar.
All the reasons you COULD be burnt out
So first I want to start off and say there are probably a million factors contributing to your burnout, especially if you are a healthcare worker during this global pandemic.
Being in a constant, high stress environment, AND not knowing how to turn your stress response off regularly is a huge contributing factor to burnout. Our bodies were not meant to be in a constant high stress environment. Chronic stress overtime leaves your feeling drained and depleted.
If you want to learn more about turning OFF your stress response, you can check out my blog post about this. (link to my blog post- https://coachchelsmd.com/managestress/) I also recommend reading the very first chapter of the book Burnout, by the Nagoski sisters. You can also google “polyvagal theory” to find more information about this.
Working long hours and physically not having enough time to rest and recharge between shifts is another factor contributing to your burnout.
Also, if you are working in healthcare there are a million systemic factors that make it difficult to provide patients with adequate care. The stress, frustration and disillusionment that this causes absolutely contributes to feelings of burnout.
I could literally go on and on.
But what if these are all just contributing factors. What if these don’t necessarily explain WHY you are burnt out. What if there was something deeper going on?
For me, my burnout was actually this flashing neon sign that I chose the wrong career?
Let’s talk more about this.
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I chose the wrong career- and it drained my energy
I teach my clients about burnout using a framework of energy drains and gains. Burnout happens when you have too many energy drains and not enough energy gains causing you to be in an energy deficit.
In some ways you can think of it as simple math.
So in the previous section I talked about alot of potential energy drains.
But one HUGE, MASSIVE, energy drain…. is being in the wrong career.
Showing up everyday at a job that does not line up with your values.
Doing tasks that you don’t enjoy.
Feeling like you have to put on a mask or play a part in order to be good at your job.
Those are huge energy drains.
It costs alot of energy to pretend to be someone you are not.
It costs alot of energy to force yourself to do task after task that you don’t enjoy.
It costs alot of energy to try and provide quality care in a broken healthcare system that’s frustrating as hell.
It also costs alot of energy to keep lying to yourself. To keep telling yourself it’s ok to live like this.
Now, let me clear about something. It is 100% possible to feel burnt out in the RIGHT career.
Maybe the thing your burnout is trying to tell you is simply to rest more. To actually allow yourself to TAKE your vacation days. Maybe it’s telling you to cut back on your hours, decrease your patient load, tell your partners you are going to stop taking call, to renegotiate your contract, or change your practice setting.
It is absolutely possible that some smaller tweaks will be the solution to your feelings of burnout.
But I think, much of the literature and information about burnout stops there. It suggests to make some lifestyle adjustments, which are all great… but maybe not addressing the root cause.
Basically what I am saying is that all the adjustments, and all the self care in the world probably won’t actually solve your burnout if you are in the wrong career.
And I am also saying, that it is important to consider the possibility that if you are experiencing burnout, it may be trying to tell you that something is OFF in your life or your career.
Just consider it. Because that was case for me, once I realized I chose the wrong career, I had a crazy, miraculous recovery from burnout.
🙏JOIN US: If you are looking for a community of like minded healthcare professionals seeking fulfilling and non-traditional careers, come join the Life After Medicine Facebook Group
I finally realized that I chose the wrong career
In the book The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck explains that integrity is simply being honest with yourself. Being in integrity means telling the truth in all aspects of your life.
She also suggests that the cure for your dark wood of error syndrome (in our case- burnout), is to finally be honest with yourself.
That may seem way too simple, but from my own personal experience, I think it works.
I personally, had a pretty miraculous recovery from burnout that makes me a believer in this principle.
When I was working in medicine, I hit a state of rock bottom with my burnout. It was at the point where I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning and when I did, the only thing I could think about was when I could sneak in a nap.
I felt like a zombie. Truly like the walking dead.
It got so bad, that I was skipping clinic and people were starting to notice.
I ended up taking a 5 week leave of absence from my residency program. And even though I was sleeping more and working less, I was still so exhausted during those first two weeks.
But once I finally told the truth that I chose the wrong career…. it was just gone. My burnout just went away.
When I finally admitted to myself I’m so unhappy being a doctor.
When I finally told the people around me, I want to quit residency and travel the world.
That’s when everything really shifted.
Once I was honest with myself about what I wanted and started moving in that direction I had soooo much energy!
I was working in the hospital by day, and building my blog by night. I felt so alive with purpose.
Now, of course there are many things that could have helped me recover from my burnout.
Taking 5 weeks off of work absolutely was a huge contributing factor.
But I think if I had taken those 5 weeks off, and then just continued with residency, I would have quickly re-developed my familiar burnout symptoms.
Obviously, there’s no way to no for sure.
But my interpretation of this story is that, once I told the truth, my burnout disappeared.
I wonder if this would work for you as well?
👋#1 BESTSELLING BOOK: “Residency Drop Out” Read all about how I quit my medical career to travel the world and work remotely.
How to know WHAT your burnout is trying to tell you
So, if you have started to open up to the idea that maybe your burnout is trying to tell you something, then the next question becomes well…. what is it trying to tell me?
The honest answer is, I have no idea what YOUR burnout is trying to tell you.
Only you can know what is true for you.
But here are some things you can try and some questions you can ask yourself to try and figure it out.
One is to sit with the question “what are you trying to tell me?”. Literally ask your body, ask your burnout, ask God, the Universe, whatever your belief system is, offer up the question. What is this experience trying to tell me? Where am I out of integrity? Where I am not being honest with myself? Where am I living a lie?
The answers might not come right away, and that’s ok. But simply asking this question can open up your heart and your mind to receive new answers and have new understandings.
Another, more scientific approach involves isolating all the variables.
If you are doing “all the things” to recover from burnout and it’s still not working, then that may be a sign something deeper is going on. If you take a vacation, go to a spa, make a point to get adequate sleep, reduce your hours, but the moment you set foot back into work you feel drained again, then its probably time to get MORE honest with yourself.
There is no one right answer, and I know this is a super complicated and nuanced topic.
Such is life.
So if you find yourself in a dark forest, if you feel like the right way is lost, if you are struggling from refractory burnout, I invite you to be honest with yourself.
I invite you to step back into integrity and to see what energy and wholeness might be waiting for you on the other side.
📲LET’S TALK: When you’re ready to STOP settling for unhappiness and create a career that’s the perfect fit for your unique soul, I invite you to book a free 20 min Career Clarity Call.
Also would love to hear from YOU!
What do you think is causing your burnout? Are there any places you might be out of integrity?
Comment below and share!
