2019 has been one HELL of a year for me. I started off the year working as an OBGYN resident in the hospital, and now I’m ending the year as a digital nomad and life coach, solo backpacking around Taiwan.
What the what???
Since I’ve undergone this massive transformation both internally and externally, I wanted to start some sort of “end of the year” ritual to reflect on the past 365 days.
Up until now, I’ve never had any particular rituals for closing out the year. Usually I just fly from one year to the next, maybe set a goal or two, but without any real structure or built in reflection time.
This year it seemed very important for me to close out the year more gracefully.
Lucky for me, Marie Forleo, released this incredible video series about her own personal end of the year practice which I’ve decided to adopt as my own.
**Side note- Marie did a decade in review, but since my past year was packed with a decades worth of changes, I decided to make it more manageable and just reflect on 2019.
I’m sharing my personal end of the year reflections with you in the hopes that it will inspire you to do some reflecting of your own!
PART 1: WHAT I AM MOST PROUD OF AND WHY
Getting paid to do what I love
The essence of what I love doing is helping people improve the quality of their lives. Once upon a time, I thought I could do this through medicine by helping people improve their health and their physical bodies. But it turns out my true zone of genius lies in helping people tap into their potential by unlocking their minds.
This past year I completely dove into building a life and business that allows me to operate in my zone of genius to serve and uplift those around me. Over this past year, as I’ve been training to be a coach, I’ve actually MADE MONEY doing what I love.
While it’s still not enough to be my sole source of income, proving to myself that I can make money as an entrepreneur and coach has filled me with a sense of fulfillment and possibility. I believe even more, that this life I am pursuing is 100% possible for me.
Making a tangible, positive impact through my blog and coaching
This year, I hit publish on over 50 blog posts. Although sometimes it feels like I am talking to a wall, when I DO get feedback (in the form of blog comments. DMs, emails) it feels SO good to know that the content I am putting out into the world is actually helping those who are reading it.
I’ve also witnessed my clients have breakthrough and aha moments and create truly incredible results in their own lives from landing their dream jobs to booking their dream trips.
The depth, power, and co creative spirit of the client/ coach relationship gives me infinitely more purpose and fulfillment than the rushed and often adversarial doctor/ patient relationship I was accustomed to.
I feel connected to the people I am serving and that feels so good. The cool part is….. I know this is just the beginning.
Mastering my craft
This year I made the goal to log 100 practice coaching hours and as I am capping out the year at 102 logged hours.
Setting this goal was fueled by my desire to become an exceptional coach and develop powerful skills that can make a true difference in people’s lives.
Having this vision to get realllllly good at coaching and setting this goal of 100 hours drove me to take massive action. I reached out to everyone I could think of, set up as many practice sessions as possible and went all out in mastering my craft.
I noticed such a measurable improvement in my skills as I continued to log more and more hours. And this whole experience again showed me, that its NOT ABOUT THE GOAL, but more about who you become in the process of the goal.
It wasn’t hitting 100 hours that has made me a great coach. It was the process of seeking out intentional practice, the idea of mastering my craft and putting in the hours to develop my skills that has made the difference.
I noticed somewhere around hour 40 that I started to reallllllly hit my stride and feel like I understood on a deeper more practical level how to be a powerful coach.
Following my intuition over a cliff
Oh yeah, lets not gloss over the fact that this is the year I took a massive leap in trusting my intuition. I let my inner voice lead me away from a stable job and career path and into a great unknown.
This wasn’t just a one time decision to “quit my job and move to South Korea”. This is a decision I made over and over again this year to trust.
Every time the doubts crept in I was able to regain my sense of trust and certainty by reconnecting to my intuition and tuning back into its guidance for my life.
This is a daily practice of tuning into my intuition and surrendering to its guidance. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it.
Getting sober curious
One BIG question I started to ask myself this year, is “would my life be better without alcohol in it?”
To experiment with answering this question, I started taking 30 day breaks from alcohol. And it was HARD. Harder than I expected.
I realized there was a lot to unpack around WHY I was drinking in the first place and how I was using alcohol to stay in my comfort zone and numb out. So I dove in to do the work.
Now, I can say I have successfully completed 4 separate 30 day alcohol free periods. Essentially I spent 1/3 of the year entirely alcohol free.
I’ve recently made the decision to take on 2020 completely alcohol- free and I am so excited to write more about this topic and see where my sober journey takes me.
PART 2: WHAT LESSONS WERE THE BIGGEST GAME CHANGERS AND WHY?
Stop looking for evidence that you are unlovable…. because YOU WILL find it
When some of my close friends on the island couldn’t make it to my birthday celebration, I took it as a sign that they didn’t love me/ care about me. Which, of course I then extrapolated to mean that I was unlovable in general.
Through some journaling, difficult convos with friends, and a Brene Brown binge session, I realized that I was carrying around this story that I was unlovable- and it completely warped my perceptions. Because of this story, I was constantly (subconsciously, of course) searching for evidence that I’m unlovable.
And in life, we find what we look for. When I looked for evidence that I was unloveable- you best believe that I found it.
I took my friends actions completely out of context and attached a meaning to it that “there ya go, there is the proof that I’m unlovable”. It sounds insane, but THAT is how the mind works. I know you know what I’m talking about.
Going through this experience was a powerful reminder that there is no objective reality. There is only our perception. And our beliefs can create a filter that can distort our perceptions- for better or for worse.
Its our responsibility to constantly check in with how we are perceiving the world around us. If we find what we look for…. why not look for evidence that we are LOVED that we are WORTHY that we are BLESSED. Doesn’t that feel so much better?
Pain is part of the human condition… so let’s learn how to cope with it
We can’t actually stop bad things from happening to us. This truth used to terrify me.
I spent so much time worrying about all the horrible “what-ifs” and trying to out run or outsmart pain. I crafted a life very carefully to avoid as much pain and discomfort as possible.
But this year, I’ve learned a new perspective. Instead of looking for a way around pain, or constantly worrying about when the other shoe will drop, why don’t we spend time preparing for pain and actually get good at dealing with it.
Why don’t we intentionally strengthen our relationships and support networks so we have people to lean on in times of struggle. Why don’t we build up healthy habits and coping mechanisms so we have strategies for processing pain. Doesn’t it make more sense to spend our energy setting ourselves up for success so that when the time comes we can weather any storm?
The Enneagram is SCARY accurate and SO helpful for personal growth
Diving into my Enneagram type has taught me so much about myself (I definitely plan on doing a post on this soon).
As an enneagram 7, the enthusiast, my main vice is gluttony. This means I am constantly seeking the next adventure and always looking around the corner for the next best thing that will make me happy. It also means I will go to EXTREME lengths to avoid boredom.
Knowing these things about myself has helped me develop some healthy skepticism about WHY I travel. Because sometimes…. I seek external adventures as a sign of some deeper discontent in my life.
Through my work with the enneagram I’ve also learned that meditation and gratitude are absolutely KEY for my health and happiness as a 7. These practices help me to focus in on the present moment and appreciate what is right in front of me.
Most of my suffering comes from a scarcity mindset.
I learned that one of the core filters I’ve applied to the world is that there is not enough. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough love to go around. These are some of the underlying beliefs behind many of my negative thought patterns. Shifting to an abundance mindset has become a huge target for my next level of growth and is something I am actively working on.
PART 3: WHAT I AM WILLING TO LET GO OF AND WHY.
“I need to have my whole life figured out and perfect to be a life coach”
This is not a realistic expectation so it’s a losing battle. Trying to appear perfect will get in the way of me showing up super authentically.
Because when I’m feeling low, instead of showing people where I’m really at or what I’m really struggling with-I either hide out or put on a mask.
Perfectionism is so hurtful to me. It’s a way I armor up and keeps me from experiencing deeper connections in relationships.
“There’s something wrong with me because I’m still single”
I’ve noticed this lingering resentment about being single because I carry a shame around it. I worry that there must be something wrong with me or that I’m unlovable in some way.
But none of that is REAL or TRUE. Being angry or in resistance to what is steals my peace and presence. It keeps me from really enjoying this phase of my life. It keeps me from growing in independence and from savoring this time of significant freedom and unattachment.
I mean when else in my life will I have so few obligations. And it’s because I’m single that I’m able to take off on this epic adventure around the world.
Feeling sorry for myself keeps me from appreciating all the amazing things about my life and its also such a lame way to walk around this magnificent earth.
“I have to work REALLLLY hard to be successful and therefore I don’t have time to take care of myself”
That was my old approach, in medicine. I remember on multiple occasions sending a snapchat of my dinner of mountain dew and gummy worms with the caption “I never said I was a role model”.
I destroyed my own health in the quest to care for others. It was such an absurd way to approach life.
But now, in this new career and life path I am on, what I do matters far less than WHO I AM. One of the best time and energy investments I can make is working on myself and prioritizing my alignment and self care.
This is a huge change to make- that taking care of myself is the number one priority because for so long I’ve had this all backwards. Alignment is the new hustle. That’s my mantra going forward.
“I need alcohol to ___ (relax, have fun, enjoy my social life)”
These are all lies. I don’t need alcohol for anything and feeling reliant on this external substance discredits the supremely powerful human being that I am.
If I can ONLY have fun when I am drinking that is such a limited way to experience the world. Alcohol is no longer serving me because drinking is a way that I self sabotage and stay in my comfort zone, so it’s time to move on to the next level.
Thinking this way prevents me from experiencing the true joy and euphoria that I am capable of in my natural, alcohol-free state.
Now its YOUR turn to reflect on your year! Get out your journal, watch this Marie TV episode and dig into what your proud of, what you learned and what you are willing to let go of.
Taking time to think about what has transpired over these past 365 days is the best way I can think of to set yourself up for a balling new decade in 2020.
Comment below and share with me about your 2019. What are some of your biggest accomplishments? What are you most proud of and why? What are some of the biggest lessons you learned and why were they game changers? Finally, what are you willing to let go of and leave in 2019 for good.
I can’t wait to hear what came up for you during your reflection!
Stay tuned for next weeks post all about my plans and goals for 2020!
Wow, that is a lot of deep thoughts in a relatively short post. Here’s to hoping that your insights and deep sharing will lead others to a prosperous and and healthy 2020!