As a healthcare professional, how can you release the guilt that often comes with your work?
Has someone ever guilted you into picking up an extra shift?
Made you feel like you can’t really take time off without negatively impacting your coworkers and patients?
Within the medical field- I’ve seen guilt used as a weapon. A way to manipulate the good will of healthcare professionals.
We went into medicine because we wanted to help people- and now that is being used against us.
In this episode you’ll learn
- Why I think guilt is a scam
- A powerful tool for navigating and dismantling guilt.
Tune in to see how you can free yourself from the heavy-ness of guilt once and for all.
Use the audio player above to listen, or tune in here.
What is Guilt?
You might have heard that guilt is our moral compass.
It tells us when we’ve violated a standard.
Tony Robbins calls emotions messengers, and guilt’s message is that we need to align our actions with our values.
Similarly, Brené Brown sees guilt as a socially adaptive emotion signaling cognitive dissonance, meaning we’ve done something that goes against our values.
These definitions suggest that guilt helps bring us back to our standards.
But there’s a problem: Whose standards?
Questioning the Standards
In healthcare, we’re surrounded by other people’s standards—whether from our institutions, our training, or our society.
We often feel guilt because we’re not living up to these standards.
But have we ever stopped to ask ourselves if these are our own values?
Consider how medical training conditions us.
From the start, we learn to be “team players.”
We feel guilty if our absence burdens our colleagues, making it hard to take time off or reduce our workload.
Our institutions stress how our decisions affect others, often using guilt to ensure we bend over backward to fulfill expectations.
My Journey with Guilt and Shame
Growing up, I learned that doing something bad meant I was inherently bad.
I never experienced guilt without shame, possibly due to growing up in a religious environment that emphasized original sin.
Separating guilt from feeling like I am a bad person has been a lifelong journey.
If you’ve felt the same, know that you’re not alone.
Medical Culture and the Pact of Mutual Suffering
In our field, we’ve entered this unspoken pact of mutual suffering.
If you want to take time off, you feel guilty because your co-residents will have to take on your workload.
For some reason, we’ve accepted that we all need to suffer together.
But here’s the thing: It doesn’t have to be this way.
For example, when I left my residency program, my program director told me my absence would burden my co-residents.
But it didn’t have to.
The hospital could have hired additional staff or eliminated unnecessary tasks.
They chose not to. That’s the issue—hospitals rarely look for creative solutions to manage workload;
they expect us to opt into mutual suffering.
Patient Care Manipulation
Guilt isn’t just used to manipulate our sense of duty towards colleagues.
It’s also employed to convince us to overwork for patient care.
Hospital admins will lay on the guilt about how not picking up extra shifts affects patient outcomes, manipulating our good intentions to extract more work from us.
Sociopaths and Guilt
I find it enlightening to consider how sociopaths, who lack guilt, view this emotion.
One sociopath said guilt is a control mechanism people use to punish us for doing things that benefit ourselves.
That hits home.
Guilt often pushes us into bad situations where we tolerate poor treatment because we feel we deserve it.
Being Wary of Guilt
Unlike other emotions that guide us positively, guilt often comes from conditioning that manipulates us into benefiting others at our expense.
Society, especially capitalist structures, makes us feel guilty for resting or taking time off.
We need to scrutinize our guilt.
The Guilt Flowchart
I’ve created a flowchart to help you critically examine your guilt. Here’s how it works:
1. Identify the Standard: What standard or moral code does your guilt claim you’ve violated? Simplify it as much as possible.
2. Determine Its Origin: Ask yourself, “Whose standard is this?” Often, it comes from medical culture or societal norms, not you.
3. Decide to Opt-In or Out: Does this standard align with your higher self? Do you truly believe it, or has society ingrained it in you?
- Opt-In: If you decide this standard is one you want to keep, figure out how to make amends and move on. Stewing in guilt isn’t productive.
- Opt-Out: If you decide this standard isn’t yours, correct your perception. What do you believe to be true? Embrace that new belief and let go of the old one.
Permission to Prioritize Yourself
You have permission to say no.
Permission to take time off, quit, or leave colleagues hanging.
If you’re not well, you can’t help others.
Guilt shouldn’t destroy your well-being or push you to the point of burnout.
The collective suffering stops when individuals decide to put themselves first.
Guilt isn’t your moral compass—it’s a manipulation tool society uses to keep you in line.
But you don’t have to accept it.
Next time you feel guilty, ask yourself:
Whose standard am I violating?
Do I want to keep this standard?
Choose your own values, correct your perceptions, and free yourself from guilt.
As healthcare professionals, we care deeply about others, but we must prioritize our own well-being.
If not, we can’t care for anyone else effectively.
Let’s start asking ourselves tough questions about guilt, reject unnecessary suffering, and create a culture where someone’s well-being isn’t sacrificed for the sake of tradition.
May this reflection guide you to live a happier, more joyful, and less stressful life.
You’re not wrong for wanting to take care of yourself.
In fact, it’s your duty. So start now—free yourself from guilt and reclaim your life.
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