There are some lessons in life we learn over and over again. And while it may seem like we are banging our head against a wall, in truth we are actually growing and evolving each time. Revisiting the lesson from a higher place of awareness and consciousness.
For me- that lesson is how to be truly present and enjoy the moment. And as my teaching contract and my year in South Korea winds down, it is becoming more apparent to me than ever that this is a lesson I must learn.
Right now, I am in the final month of my year long contract teaching English on Jeju Island, South Korea. Even more exciting I am in my last month EVERRR of working a traditional 9-5 job. Starting in January, I will finally become a digital nomad, working remotely from my laptop and traveling the world. Having complete location independence and be-bopping around to whatever country is calling to me in the moment.
It’s the dream right?? So as you can imagine, I am practically crawling out of my skin with excitement and anticipation for what’s to come. Now- this hasn’t exactly been the happy excitement. This has been the “how am I ever going to make it through the next few months” total drudgery type of feeling. Ever since I made this decision back in September to go “full digital nomad” I’ve been really struggling with the feeling that I’m stuck here on this rural island in South Korea. I feel overcome with restlessness to be done here and that feeling has only continued to grow as my departure date gets closer.
Have you ever felt that way? That you are so ready for the next thing you feel like you can no longer put up with where you’re at? That you wish you could have left yesterday? That you are sooooo impatient to get where you are going- you no longer appreciate where you are? That you have completely checked out of your present reality?
Because that is exactly what I’ve been dealing with this Autumn. Patience has never been a strength of mine. This tends to serve me well in taking massive action towards my goals, but man it is a struggle when there is some sort of delay or waiting period outside of my control.
And at some point during my daily lamenting and internal complaining- I had this vague sense that this all seems a bit like deja-vu.
I realized- “oh crap, I’m doing that thing again.” See, this is exactly what I did at this same time last year. I was finishing up my last 90 days of working in the hospital after giving my official notice and was hating every moment of it. I kept telling myself, I’ll be happy WHEN I move to South Korea.
This line of thinking may seem harmless, but playing the “I’ll be happy WHEN ___” game can be so dangerous. The problem is, this thought pattern follows us around and can creep into any new situation. Even when our circumstances change, we take our thought patterns with us.
Hence, why I am back in this same place playing the “I’ll be happy WHEN I’m a digital nomad” script. I’ll be happy WHEN I am in control of my own schedule. I’ll be happy WHEN I have complete time and location freedom. I’ll be happy WHEN I don’t have to put on real pants for work everyday. (That’s the REAL dream)
The other huge problem with this thought pattern is that we can miss out on entire seasons of our lives just waiting for the next one to begin. It is such a limiting mindset to have too. That we can ONLY be happy if a certain set of circumstances are met. Circumstances which are forever changing. Making happiness an elusive target.
For me especially, continuing in this thought pattern could be very harmful when it comes to the new lifestyle I am about to embark on. Think about it – I could run away from my problems for the rest of my life. WIth my new location independence I could blame my unhappiness on my circumstances and perpetually move around the world forever seeking happiness.
But the cool thing about training to become a life coach and all the personal transformation I’ve experienced over this past year, is that I have developed a supreme level of awareness of my thoughts. Now I can clearly see this thought pattern for what it is: a lie.
And equipped with that awareness I decided, this lie was no longer going to work for me. I’m done CHASING happiness. It’s time to learn how to CREATE it.
The first step to breaking any negative spiral is to examine it more closely. Our thoughts always create our feelings so it is important to get a good hard look at what’s going on in that noggin. I do this simply by observing my thoughts and writing them down- either in a journal or in the notes app on my phone. It is most helpful to do this exercise in the moment that you notice the negative thoughts or feelings arise
Here were some of the thoughts I found swirling around in my head on repeat:
- I’m so over this.
- I just want to get off this island.
- I can’t stand being here any more.
- My life here sucks
- I’m literally dying.
Wow. Talk about dramatic. Just looking at those thoughts and reading them- how do you feel?
Pretty crappy huh?
Because when these thoughts are marching through my head I feel a whole host of negative emotions. Restless, agitated, fed up, frustrated, and impatient.
And when I’m feeling this way, you best believe I am NOT showing up as my best self. In fact, when I’m feeling this way…. I kind of suck.
I can barely drag myself out of bed. Forget about any kind of morning routine. I do alot of eye rolling, and dramatic exhaling. I have no patience with my students and give alot more teacher death glares and lines to write. By the time school is done, I just want to hide out in my room and watch netflix for the rest of the evening ( my ultimate coping mechanism).
And the end result of all of that is…. I do in fact have a crappy day and reinforce the thoughts that “my life here sucks” and “I’m so over it”.
Funny how all that works huh? Our thoughts really do create our reality.
So in order to dial down the drama of my ego….. I had to start by changing my thoughts. Instead of thinking “I’m so over this” (that was my most prevalent thought) I decided to replace that thought with “I’m so excited for what’s ahead”.
Yes, it is still future focused and not exactly stepping into the present moment , but its a start. Overall it is still a much better thought because it is focusing on the positives instead of my perceived present lack.
When choosing a new thought it IS important for that thought to be believable- so for me changing it to “I love where I’m at” or “ I love this island” or“ I love being here” didn’t feel real or authentic.
The thought has to feel BETTER and it has to feel TRUE.
When I think “I’m so excited for what’s ahead” I being to shift how I think about this present moment. I begin to view it as a joyful time of preparation and anticipation instead of a monotonous nightmare. This creates feelings of excitement and joy where there was once restlessness and agitation.
And when I am feeling excited and joyful, I actually have fun teaching and am present and engaged with my students. I socialize more and seek out fun new experiences with friends: like going to game nights and exploring new cafes.
Essentially, I actually enjoy my life more and create a life that I don’t need to constantly run away from.
These last few months are going to pass anyways, might as well make them ones to remember, right?
What negative thought patterns do you notice in yourself? And how can you begin to take notice and shift some of these thoughts to improve your life? If you need help with this exercise feel free to drop a comment or email me (chelseaturgeon@theturquoisetraveler.com). I’d love to help you rewire that beautiful noggin of yours.
