So often we feel selfish for wanting MORE out of our lives. We feel ridiculous for dreaming big. We believe that concepts of “following your heart” or “chasing your dreams” are some fluffy millennial ideas.
We talk ourselves out of big audacious goals with a good old fashioned guilt trip.
We say things like:
“Well, you know, I really can’t complain.”
“I’ve got a decent job that pays the bills and puts food on the table. I mean, so many people are worse off than me.”
“I should probably just be happy with what I’ve got.”
And I get it. I’ve totally been there too. I’ve wondered if it’s selfish for me to care about things like my own personal happiness and fulfillment when people are struggling to keep their electricity and water on?
Why does it matter if I love my job when so many people would kill just to have a job? Who am I to want an awesome life when there is so much suffering and unfairness in the world? Shouldn’t I just be grateful for what I do have?
But the problem with this line of thinking is that it is limiting. It cuts us off from the true possibilities of our abundant universe.
There is lots of suffering out there…. Yes that is true.
It’s important to be grateful for what we have. To count our blessings. Yes, also true.
And, yet, neither of those things being true actually means that we shouldn’t ALSO reach out for more. So, I want to talk with you about how alll of this can be true at the same time and why living a “good enough” life isn’t actually good enough.
First lets talk about the nature of desire.
What is desire?
Our desires are not random. We don’t just make them up. Ok, so maybe our desires to win the lottery and drive a fancy new car are slightly random and made up.
But I’m not talking about those kinds of superficial desires. I’m talking about the deep desires of our heart.
Derek Rydall explains the concept of desire by taking it back to its Latin roots. He says “The word desire means ‘of the sire’ or ‘of the father’. In other words, that strong impulse to achieve something is actually the something already in you seeking to come out!”
Our desires were given to us from the Universe (or from God/Source/ Love, etc.) They were put in our hearts with the express purpose of being realized. The fact that we have a desire means that for the greater good of the Universe, we are meant to go after that thing.
Once we tap into our desires and become aware of what we truly want, it is our duty to start bringing them into existence.
Leaning into self-actualization
Once we realize our desires matter, there is still the problem of feeling guilty for chasing them. And this is where our privilege comes into play.
If you are at a point in your life where you are worrying about things like job satisfaction, fulfillment, your purpose in this universe, etc, it is probably because you are NOT using all of your energy to find your next meal. In other words, it is probably because your basic needs are being met.
There is this concept, you may be familiar with called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a theory in motivational psychology that attempts to explain what drives human behavior. Maslow divided up human needs into different categories and organized them into a pyramid.
The lowest category on the pyramid comprises basic human survival needs such as air, food, water and shelter. Only once these needs are met, are we able to begin chasing after our second set of needs which are categorized as “safety needs’. This includes personal security, employment, property, etc.
As we work our way up the pyramid, the needs become more complex until we reach the top level of the pyramid called self actualization. This is described as our desire to “become the most that one can be.”
Only when we are able to consistently and reliably meet the needs below this one can we begin working on self actualization. And the sad part is, so many people never get to self actualization because they get stuck meeting needs at lower levels of the pyramid.
Within this model, we are meant to move all the way up to the top of the pyramid. That is our destiny as human beings and that is our work on this planet. Only by moving up the pyramid and growing into the best that we can be, will we be able to help others who are suffering.
There is no benefit in keeping ourselves stuck at a lower level of the pyramid, just because other people are suffering. It actually hurts other people to think in this way, because when we limit our own growth, we limit our ability to help others. Let’s stop feeling guilty about our privilege and instead USE our privilege to help others.
If we are in a position where are basic needs are met and we are no longer struggling to survive, that is AMAZING. And that also means its time to start moving on to more.
Wanting MORE doesn’t mean that you have to complain about your current life. Wanting MORE is not greedy.
Wanting MORE doesn’t mean that you are ungrateful for what you already have. It just means you are ready to expand and hold more in your life.
So yes, by all means be grateful for what you have AND don’t stop there.
Think of this as your call to action.
Stop shutting down your desires.
Stop pretending that what you want doesn’t matter.
It’s time to stop settling for an average existence because good enough is simply NOT good enough.
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