Self Care is a State of Mind

Earlier this month, I had the most epic week of all time. I was smiling for no real reason and LOLing at all the silly things my kids say in class.  I had multiple meaningful conversations that left me feeling warm and fuzzy. I was insanely productive, like legit, I got every single item on my to-list done.  I had a record number of coaching calls in the evening and yet felt increasingly energized. I felt this low level buzz of vitality and enthusiasm throughout each day. And it wasn’t just in my head, others were noticing my high as well. People told me “you look younger” “you look happier”. I had this dawn of realization “is this what it feels like to be your best self?” 

You might be thinking…. what the what? How in the heck did this magical week happen? Its simple: self care. That week was the first time  I full out committed to every single one of my self care practices. I have five non-negotiable self care rituals that I aim to do every day, and three that I aim to do once a week. That week…. I did every single one of them. Perfectly. And I felt such a massive shift that now I am a full on believer in the power of self care.

Let’s contrast this jubilant experience, to my past life as an OBGYN resident. I worked between 60-80 hrs a week, getting an average of 5.5-6 hrs of sleep a night. Many times I worked right through lunch or shoved some sort of granola bar in my mouth while running to a delivery. When I got home, I was usually too exhausted to do anything but melt into the couch while falling asleep to Netflix. 

Essentially, I had nothing even resembling a self care regimen, and it showed up big time in my mental state. I was grumpy, sleep deprived and resentful. I felt so burnt out it was hard to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I had all these negative existential thoughts swirling around like “why am I even doing this?” and “what’s the point?”.

I have personally lived both extremes of total self neglect and supreme self- care. My experiences have convinced me that self care is the common denominator responsible for all my elevated moods. It is the true foundation to becoming the person you want to be and designing a life you  love and deserve. 

So let’s dig into this a little bit further.

What exactly is self care? 

It can seem like somewhat of an elusive, fluffy concept, so let’s nail down a definition. 

One of the research studies I read defined self-care as “engagement in behaviors that maintain and promote physical and emotional well-being”. While this does describe self care on a surface level, it leaves out a key element.  Many blog posts I read equate self care to “me time”- which is also true, but not the entire picture. Sometimes self-care is equivalent to adulting- running errands, folding laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning your home, etc.  But just describing what tasks comprise self care is missing the whole point.

Self care is not about any specific set of actions, it is a state of mind that says “my well-being is a priority”. It is becoming aware of what your true fundamental needs are and making time for these needs- even when life gets hectic. Commitment to self care is believing that the best way for you to show up in the world is from a place of wholeness. It is believing that we are not meant to be empty shells drained of everything we have.

Self care is getting your own ducks in a row before helping your neighbor with their ducks. It is putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting anyone else with their’s. If we aren’t properly caring for ourselves things start to go awry very quickly. 

After all, “you cannot pour from an empty cup”.

What self care isn’t

Self care is NOT a luxury,  a reward or a fluffy little indulgence when everything is going well. When you think of self-care in this way, it will be the first thing eliminated from your daily grind when you get busy. In order to give self-care the respect it deserves, you must view it as a cornerstone to health and happiness. Which it is. 

Self care is NOT selfish. Or maybe it is, but then being selfish is not a bad thing. I know that sounds radical, but don’t you think you are more likely to give someone a genuine compliment if you’ve had a full nights sleep. Aren’t you better able to listen to your friend venting about their boss if you are feeling energized from a workout? I think we have to be selfish FIRST so we can then be selfless. 

Self care is NOT a waste of time. Although it can feel difficult to tear yourself away from your computer, even for a 10 minute yoga flow, doing so drastically increases productivity and efficiency. I like to think of self care as a time investment. You put in time now, and reap the rewards from it later. Rewards such as improved mood, motivation, and energy…. are all waiting for you once  start regularly practicing self care.

Self care is NOT about being a perfect person. If your morning routine is so complex it requires a spreadsheet. If you are stressing about deep cleaning the entire house. If you spend hours meal prepping the exact nutrient-rich meals…. all in the name of self-care, then chances are you are missing the whole point. The intention behind self-care is that you are prioritizing yourself and setting aside time to meet your needs. Its not about doing all the right things. It is bout doing whatever it is you most need to recharge.

Before you can implement any new change in your life, you have to be fully sold on it. It has to become a MUST. After reading this…. Is self care a MUST for you? What hesitations are you still having? What stories are you telling yourself about why you can’t make your needs a priority? 

For those of you who are convinced that you need some self care in your life…. I gotchu covered.Next week I will dive into how to craft your very own unique self-care routine so you can start feeling all the good vibes.