[convertkit form=1640877]
This is not a story about all of the flaws in the medical training system. It is also not a story about why YOU too should quit medicine. It is not a story of someone suffering from physician burnout who decided to take a permanent vacation from life.
This is a story about how I realized I was on the wrong path and decided to set about course correcting. It is a story about being willing to listen to my unhappiness, following my intuition, and being open to wherever it leads me.
This is a story about trusting that life will unfold in my favor and ultimately, this is a story about being brave.
———————————————————–
Hindsight is always a crisp 20-20, and looking back I can see that I initially chose to go into medicine for the wrong reasons. My twenty year old self wanted a career path that was completely laid out in front of me, a noble profession, and lifelong job/ financial security.
Oh, and getting into medical school seemed like the most bad-ass thing I could think of at the time!
I conveniently forgot to pay attention to the fact that studying for the MCAT was the most miserable summer of my life, that I hated all of my time spent shadowing, and that I had gotten completely addicted to Adderall in order to maintain that perfect 4.0 GPA.
My four years of medical school continued on in that same vein, but in med school it is normal, even expected to be miserable. It was so easy to get in the mindset of delayed gratification.
“Of course I’m not happy right now, but it will be all worth it when…. I graduate from residency, from fellowship, I can finally be that big shot attending,…. When I retire?”
———————————————————–
The fourth year of medical school is commonly known as ‘the apology’ for the previous three years of hell. Between online classes, electives, and the interview trail there is plenty of room for free time.
I took full advantage of this and actually discovered a whole host of life things I enjoyed doing. I picked up hiking, hip-hop, and was finally able to deep-dive into this personal-growth and spiritual world that I had always been peripherally interested in.
I consumed a kindle library full of books by teachers such as Rob Bell, Liz Gilbert, Brene Brown and Gabby Bernstein. I binge listened to Jess Lively’s podcast The Lively Show and ended up taking two of her online courses.
Slowly, I began to experience a fairly frightening values shift. So many of my long held beliefs and principles just didn’t seem to be true for me anymore. Did it really make sense to hustle and white-knuckle my way through life? Could stressing and striving my way to an outward definition of success actually make me inwardly happy?
But then came Match Day and Graduation and the start of residency and I was able to put all of these bigger questions of purpose aside. At this point I was very practiced at putting my head down, working hard and getting through. Which is exactly what I did.
Until I couldn’t do it anymore.
———————————————————–
The good thing about residency is it is grueling. You regularly put in 80 hrs a week, sometimes with 24 hr shifts at a time, you receive ‘feedback’ on every aspect of your performance, and you are constantly playing catch up on all of the clinic notes and discharge summaries that you don’t actually have time to write at work.
Why was this a good thing? Because it forced me into a state of such acute discomfort and unhappiness that I HAD to make a move. I physically could not remain in that place any longer.
I hit an all time low during my GYN-Oncology rotation of my second year. At that point I was living in such a toxic place of resentment and bitterness. I would only talk to my mom on the phone for 10 minutes once a week, because that was how long I could fake a cheerful tone.
I would skip out on entire afternoons of clinic to sneak in a nap. Getting out of bed in the morning was an act of congress. I was at the end of myself.
Finally, I met with my program director to tell her where my head was at. Gracefully, she suggested I should take a personal leave of absence for the next five weeks to get some sleep, clear my head, and ‘figure out my life’. I leapt at this idea; it sounded like a breath of fresh air.
———————————————————–
I would like to tell you that those five weeks of leave were an agonizing decision making process. That I was making pro-con lists, endlessly googling “jobs for people who quit residency”, and talking to everyone under the sun to get their input.
But that is not what happened.
I slept a TON. I went on long walks outside in nature. I journaled. I practiced yoga and meditation. I listened to podcasts. I went on an epic campervan tour of Utah’s National Parks. I celebrated my 27th birthday. I mourned the loss of my Grandmother, the strong, independent, matriarch of our family.
Somewhere along the way, the decision just arrived, ready-made. I didn’t force it, I didn’t overthink it. I woke up one morning and just knew: I couldn’t go back to residency.
After making that monumental decision, all of the other pieces started to fall naturally in place.
I signed a contract saying I would work for 90 more days (part-time so I could start working on this blog!). I ended my lease for my apartment and made arrangements to move in with my Pittsburgh cousins to save money on rent. I started applying to teach English in South Korea.
My short term plans are to teach English abroad while I get my online empire up and running. My long term goals are to be a travel blogger and life coach while digital nomad-ing my way around the world.
———————————————————–
Although I do have moments of overwhelming and paralyzing fear about this unchartered path, when that fear passes, I feel a deep sense of peace that I am finally headed in the right direction.
I am so excited to watch as this new chapter of my life unfolds and I hope you’ll stick along for the ride.
I also hope that sharing my story empowers you with these two takeaways:
- That it is ok to walk away from something that is not serving you. Even if you have invested five years in that thing. Even if you have invested $100,000+ in that thing. Life is too short, ya know?
- That there is no “safe” path. There is no safety in an unfulfilling life. Even a path that is financially secure, is not safe for your emotional well-being, if it is full of unhappiness.
If you are currently struggling in the medical field or any other field, feeling burnout and exhausted and wondering if you are on the right career path, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
You don’t have to go through this alone. You don’t have to suffer alone.
Send me an email directly at chelsea@theturquoisetraveler.com or sign up for a free consultation call about finding work you love.
If you are not ready to reach out and want a free resource to help you create clarity in your career. Click below to download my Find Work You Love Blueprint.
[convertkit form=1640877]
You are brave! Congratulations on doing what makes you happy. I am excited to keep on reading. You are inspiring. I hope to be able to do the solo travel in the future.
Thank you so much Samantha! Definitely let me know if you want more story/personal posts like this in the future because I Really enjoy writing these deep/real ones.
Solo travel is amazing! I hope you can find your way to it as well. Let me know if you have any questions or want to talk about travel ideas.
<3 Chels
Holy wow! I am so unbelievably proud of you for following your own path! That takes such strength and courage!! This is the epitome of an inspiring story – thank you so so much for sharing ❤️☺️! Best of luck in Korea and along your new path!!
Thanks so much girl! You have seriously been the most supportive human on the planet and I really appreciate it. Maybe one day we can do some traveling together!!!
Wow! This is EXACTLY what I’m going through right now, only in the Veterinary Medicine field. Luckily, I haven’t committed to Vet school yet, but I realized how miserable I was in the hospital settings. I’m currently taking an extended leave from that profession to travel and find what truly makes me happy. If I find my way back to veterinary medicine, so be it. Thanks so much for the inspiration!
I hear you girl! Its so easy to get sucked into a conventional career path because we have a passion that kind of lines up with that path.
For me- I love helping people. But I realized I want to help them heal their minds more than their bodies. I didn’t even know a life coach was a thing back when I was in undergrad applying for medical school.
For you- it sounds like animals are your passion, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to treat them medically. It already seems like you are doing some great advocacy work for animals! Keep at it girl.
I gave you and your post a shout out/link in my travel bucket list page btw 🙂
First, enjoy Korea! It is a beautiful country with amazing food 🙂
Next, I had a similar revelation when I started my engineering career. I worked so hard through school and was convinced that once I started my career it would all be worth it. I went into the oilfield and, much like yourself, was working 80+ hours a week regularly, hardly seeing my family, and sleeping erratically. Oddly enough I was also thriving professionally, being recognized globally as a top performer for the company and becoming debt free and financially stable in less than 3 years. Everything looked great on the outside but all the while I was slowly dying on the inside and eagerly looking for a path out. I was living for work and not working to live. My life changed dramatically when I finally made the change and I do not regret it. I hope that is the case for you too! Best of luck in your travels!
Very happy to hear that it worked out well for you! I already feel so much inner peace and happiness which is all I am really after and so in that sense this decision has already worked out for me too.
Chelsea,
Wow, this was such a moving and inspiring piece. I honestly can’t imagine going through all this to then walk away form it. But good for you for knowing when enough was enough! Unfortunately, I think too many people are unable to either see or accept this. Although I can’t imagine going through all of Med School & starting residency and walking away, I did do an entire degree (after starting 3 previous and walking away after a semester), and just couldn’t do it anymore after that. I hated my degree and everything it represented. But it was hard to acknowledge that after all that hard work, it wasn’t for me and it many ways it felt like a waste of 3 years of my life (and a lot of money!) So I worked horrible office jobs that I hated for 2 years while we saved money and now, like you, we’re hoping to make our online empire work!
Good luck in South Korea! Where will you be stationed? I really like South Korea, and know many people who have moved out there to teach English and fallen in love with the country. I’m sure you will, as well. I think living in a new place is the best way to experience it!
And, of course, good luck with being a bad ass digital nomad! I love how refreshing and honest this piece is. So if you keep this up, you definitely have a loyal follower here!
Now I’ll be checking out all of those podcasts in your other post since I love a good podcast on a long journey!
Dagney
Dagney,
Thank you so much for the lovely, thoughtful comment! This is for fun ‘meeting’ people in an online space like this. Very grateful for MAtt’s class and all the people it is bringing me in contact with.
I totally hear you on it feeling like a waste of time. Sometimes I feel like “I wasted my 20s” in a library or a hospital, but I firmly believe everything has a purpose even if you don’t know exactly what that purpose is yet. Maybe all of those degrees you started are what somehow led you to where you are now. Maybe all of the medical knowledge I accumulate will be of use to me as I learn to become a life and wellness coach. Its all a part of the journey.
I haven’t found out where I’m stationed yet, but i am preferencing JeJu Island (The HAwaii of South Korea) because, why not lol.
GL Growing your online empire. Look forward to growing in this space together 🙂
Chelsea! You are so inspiring. So, so proud of you for following your heart and doing what truly makes you happy. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of throwing in the towel on residency and doing just what you are… so major props to you for being oh, so brave!
Way to go, sister! You’ve done a lot here in such a short time and you can really tell your heart is in it! Hoping that everything continues to work out as you get things going with your teaching abroad! 🙂
WOW. This post gave me COMPLETE goosebumps!!!!! How open and honest. And what a scary decision to face! But I am so happy for you that you followed your heart. It was definitely pay off.
Great post Chelsea & so inspiring! The fact that you seem to have no doubts or regrets means it is definitely the right decision for you. I really hope this works but I’m confident it will just from reading this post. Thank you so much for sharing. Best of luck with the next chapter & I look forward to reading all about it!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It’s so inspiring and it makes me so happy to hear success stories of people realizing where their happiness does (or doesn’t) lie. I’m currently in medical school, but have been experiencing doubts about my fulfillment in this career for a while now. I have >$120k in student loans, but not nearly as much as the $400k I would have if I continued and graduated. I’m thinking of taking a leave of absence to take the time to think about this decision outside of the pressurized hospital environment (during COVID no less). Not sure what I would do outside of medicine as I’ve identified with it for so long, but surely there is something out there better suited for me. Thank you again for sharing your journey and helping people realize it’s okay to feel unfulfilled and to choose to change your path!
Elaine,
THanks for reading and sharing your story as well. It’s so tough to be in that position, but I think it’s incredible that you are being so honest with yourself and taking the time you need to think it over and get clear about what will really bring your fulfillment. It’s hard when we have built up an identity around being a doctor, but identities can always be changed to better serve us. I wrote this post two years ago, and am even more aligned with my decision to leave than ever before! Happy to talk it over with you if you have any questions.